Frankenstein

Chapter 15

"Such was the history of my beloved cottagers. It impressed
me deeply. I learned, from the views of social life which it
developed, to admire their virtues, and to deprecate the vices
of mankind.

"As yet I looked upon crime as a distant evil; benevolence and
generosity were ever present before me, inciting within me a
desire to become an actor in the busy scene where so many
admirable qualities were called forth and displayed. But, in
giving an account of the progress of my intellect, I must not
omit a circumstance which occurred in the beginning of the
month of August of the same year.

"One night, during my accustomed visit to the neighbouring
wood, where I collected my own food, and brought home firing
for my protectors, I found on the ground a leathern portmanteau,
containing several articles of dress and some books. I eagerly
seized the prize, and returned with it to my hovel.
Fortunately the books were written in the language the
elements of which I had acquired at the cottage; they consisted
of _Paradise Lost_, a volume of _Plutarch's Lives_, and the
_Sorrows of Werter_. The possession of these treasures gave me
extreme delight; I now continually studied and exercised my
mind upon these histories, whilst my friends were employed in
their ordinary occupations.

"I can hardly describe to you the effect of these books.
They produced in me an infinity of new images and feelings that
sometimes raised me to ecstasy, but more frequently sunk me
into the lowest dejection. In the _Sorrows of Werter_, besides
the interest of its simple and affecting story, so many
opinions are canvassed, and so many lights thrown upon what had
hitherto been to me obscure subjects, that I found in it a
never-ending source of speculation and astonishment. The gentle
and domestic manners it described, combined with lofty
sentiments and feelings, which had for their object something
out of self, accorded well with my experience among my
protectors, and with the wants which were for ever alive in my
own bosom. But I thought Werter himself a more divine being
than I had ever beheld or imagined; his character contained no
pretension, but it sunk deep. The disquisitions upon death and
suicide were calculated to fill me with wonder. I did not
pretend to enter into the merits of the case, yet I inclined
towards the opinions of the hero, whose extinction I wept,
without precisely understanding it.

"As I read, however, I applied much personally to my own
feelings and condition. I found myself similar, yet at the
same time strangely unlike to the beings concerning whom I
read, and to whose conversation I was a listener. I
sympathised with, and partly understood them, but I was
unformed in mind; I was dependent on none and related to none.
`The path of my departure was free;' and there was none to
lament my annihilation. My person was hideous and my stature
gigantic. What did this mean? Who was I? What was I? Whence
did I come? What was my destination? These questions
continually recurred, but I was unable to solve them.

"The volume of _Plutarch's Lives_, which I possessed, contained
the histories of the first founders of the ancient republics.
This book had a far different effect upon me from the _Sorrows
of Werter_. I learned from Werter's imaginations despondency
and gloom: but Plutarch taught me high thoughts; he elevated me
above the wretched sphere of my own reflections to admire and
love the heroes of past ages. Many things I read surpassed my
understanding and experience. I had a very confused knowledge
of kingdoms, wide extents of country, mighty rivers, and
boundless seas. But I was perfectly unacquainted with towns,
and large assemblages of men. The cottage of my protectors had
been the only school in which I had studied human nature; but
this book developed new and mightier scenes of action. I read
of men concerned in public affairs, governing or massacring
their species. I felt the greatest ardour for virtue rise
within me, and abhorrence for vice, as far as I understood the
signification of those terms, relative as they were, as I
applied them, to pleasure and pain alone. Induced by these
feelings, I was of course led to admire peaceable lawgivers,
Numa, Solon, and Lycurgus, in preference to Romulus and Theseus.
The patriarchal lives of my protectors caused these
impressions to take a firm hold on my mind; perhaps, if my
first introduction to humanity had been made by a young
soldier, burning for glory and slaughter, I should have been
imbued with different sensations.

"But _Paradise Lost_ excited different and far deeper emotions.
I read it, as I had read the other volumes which had fallen
into my hands, as a true history. It moved every feeling of
wonder and awe that the picture of an omnipotent God warring
with his creatures was capable of exciting. I often referred
the several situations, as their similarity struck me, to my own.
Like Adam, I was apparently united by no link to any other being
in existence; but his state was far different from mine in every
other respect. He had come forth from the hands of God a perfect
creature, happy and prosperous, guarded by the especial care
of his Creator; he was allowed to converse with, and acquire
knowledge from, beings of a superior nature: but I was wretched,
helpless, and alone. Many times I considered Satan as the fitter
emblem of my condition; for often, like him, when I viewed
the bliss of my protectors, the bitter gall of envy rose within me.

"Another circumstance strengthened and confirmed these feelings.
Soon after my arrival in the hovel, I discovered some papers
in the pocket of the dress which I had taken from
your laboratory. At first I had neglected them; but now that
I was able to decipher the characters in which they were
written, I began to study them with diligence. It was your
journal of the four months that preceded my creation.
You minutely described in these papers every step you took in
the progress of your work; this history was mingled with accounts
of domestic occurrences. You, doubtless, recollect these
papers. Here they are. Everything is related in them which
bears reference to my accursed origin; the whole detail of that
series of disgusting circumstances which produced it is set in
view; the minutest description of my odious and loathsome
person is given, in language which painted your own horrors and
rendered mine indelible. I sickened as I read. `Hateful day
when I received life!' I exclaimed in agony. `Accursed
creator! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even _you_
turned from me in disgust? God, in pity, made man beautiful and
alluring, after his own image; but my form is a filthy type of
yours, more horrid even from the very resemblance. Satan had
his companions, fellow-devils, to admire and encourage him; but
I am solitary and abhorred.'

"These were the reflections of my hours of despondency and
solitude; but when I contemplated the virtues of the cottagers,
their amiable and benevolent dispositions, I persuaded myself
that when they should become acquainted with my admiration of
their virtues, they would compassionate me, and overlook my
personal deformity. Could they turn from their door one,
however monstrous, who solicited their compassion and
friendship? I resolved, at least, not to despair, but in every
way to fit myself for an interview with them which would decide
my fate. I postponed this attempt for some months longer;
for the importance attached to its success inspired me with a
dread lest I should fail. Besides, I found that my
understanding improved so much with every day's experience that
I was unwilling to commence this undertaking until a few more
months should have added to my sagacity.

"Several changes, in the meantime, took place in the cottage.
The presence of Safie diffused happiness among its inhabitants;
and I also found that a greater degree of plenty reigned there.
Felix and Agatha spent more time in amusement and conversation,
and were assisted in their labours by servants. They did not
appear rich, but they were contented and happy; their feelings
were serene and peaceful, while mine became every day
more tumultuous. Increase of knowledge only discovered to me
more clearly what a wretched outcast I was. I cherished hope,
it is true; but it vanished when I beheld my person reflected
in water, or my shadow in the moonshine, even as that frail
image and that inconstant shade.

"I endeavoured to crush these fears, and to fortify myself for
the trial which in a few months I resolved to undergo; and
sometimes I allowed my thoughts, unchecked by reason, to ramble
in the fields of Paradise, and dared to fancy amiable and
lovely creatures sympathising with my feelings, and cheering my
gloom; their angelic countenances breathed smiles of
consolation. But it was all a dream; no Eve soothed my
sorrows, nor shared my thoughts; I was alone. I remembered
Adam's supplication to his Creator. But where was mine? He had
abandoned me: and, in the bitterness of my heart, I cursed him.

"Autumn passed thus. I saw, with surprise and grief, the
leaves decay and fall, and nature again assume the barren and
bleak appearance it had worn when I first beheld the woods and
the lovely moon. Yet I did not heed the bleakness of the
weather; I was better fitted by my conformation for the
endurance of cold than heat. But my chief delights were the
sight of the flowers, the birds, and all the gay apparel of
summer; when those deserted me, I turned with more attention
towards the cottagers. Their happiness was not decreased by
the absence of summer. They loved, and sympathised with one
another; and their joys, depending on each other, were not
interrupted by the casualties that took place around them.
The more I saw of them, the greater became my desire to claim their
protection and kindness; my heart yearned to be known and loved
by these amiable creatures: to see their sweet looks directed
towards me with affection was the utmost limit of my ambition.
I dared not think that they would turn them from me with
disdain and horror. The poor that stopped at their door were
never driven away. I asked, it is true, for greater treasures
than a little food or rest: I required kindness and sympathy;
but I did not believe myself utterly unworthy of it.

"The winter advanced, and an entire revolution of the seasons
had taken place since I awoke into life. My attention, at this
time, was solely directed towards my plan of introducing myself
into the cottage of my protectors. I revolved many projects;
but that on which I finally fixed was, to enter the dwelling
when the blind old man should be alone. I had sagacity enough
to discover that the unnatural hideousness of my person was the
chief object of horror with those who had formerly beheld me.
My voice, although harsh, had nothing terrible in it; I
thought, therefore, that if, in the absence of his children, I
could gain the good-will and mediation of the old De Lacey, I
might, by his means, be tolerated by my younger protectors.

"One day, when the sun shone on the red leaves that strewed the
ground, and diffused cheerfulness, although it denied warmth,
Safie, Agatha, and Felix departed on a long country walk, and
the old man, at his own desire, was left alone in the cottage.
When his children had departed, he took up his guitar, and
played several mournful but sweet airs, more sweet and mournful
than I had ever heard him play before. At first his
countenance was illuminated with pleasure, but, as he
continued, thoughtfulness and sadness succeeded; at length,
laying aside the instrument, he sat absorbed in reflection.

"My heart beat quick; this was the hour and moment of trial
which would decide my hopes or realise my fears. The servants
were gone to a neighbouring fair. All was silent in and around
the cottage: it was an excellent opportunity; yet, when I
proceeded to execute my plan, my limbs failed me, and I sank to
the ground. Again I rose; and, exerting all the firmness of
which I was master, removed the planks which I had placed
before my hovel to conceal my retreat. The fresh air revived
me, and, with renewed determination, I approached the door of
their cottage.

"I knocked. `Who is there?' said the old man--`Come in.'

"I entered; `Pardon this intrusion,' said I: `I am a traveller
in want of a little rest; you would greatly oblige me if you
would allow me to remain a few minutes before the fire.'

"`Enter,' said De Lacey; `and I will try in what manner I can
relieve your wants; but, unfortunately, my children are from
home, and, as I am blind, I am afraid I shall find it difficult
to procure food for you.'

"`Do not trouble yourself, my kind host, I have food; it is
warmth and rest only that I need.'

"I sat down, and a silence ensued. I knew that every minute
was precious to me, yet I remained irresolute in what manner to
commence the interview; when the old man addressed me--

"`By your language, stranger, I suppose you are my
countryman;--are you French?'

"`No; but I was educated by a French family, and understand
that language only. I am now going to claim the protection of
some friends, whom I sincerely love, and of whose favour I have
some hopes.'

"`Are they Germans?'

"`No, they are French. But let us change the subject. I am an
unfortunate and deserted creature; I look around, and I have no
relation or friend upon earth. These amiable people to whom I
go have never seen me, and know little of me. I am full of
fears; for if I fail there, I am an outcast in the world for ever.'

"`Do not despair. To be friendless is indeed to be
unfortunate; but the hearts of men, when unprejudiced by any
obvious self interest, are full of brotherly love and charity.
Rely, therefore, on your hopes; and if these friends are good
and amiable, do not despair.'

"`They are kind--they are the most excellent creatures in the
world; but, unfortunately, they are prejudiced against me.
I have good dispositions; my life has been hitherto harmless, and
in some degree beneficial; but a fatal prejudice clouds their
eyes, and where they ought to see a feeling and kind friend,
they behold only a detestable monster.'

"`That is indeed unfortunate; but if you are really blameless,
cannot you undeceive them?'

"`I am about to undertake that task; and it is on that account
that I feel so many overwhelming terrors. I tenderly love
these friends; I have, unknown to them, been for many months in
the habits of daily kindness towards them; but they believe
that I wish to injure them, and it is that prejudice which I
wish to overcome.'

"`Where do these friends reside?'

"`Near this spot.'

"The old man paused, and then continued, `If you will
unreservedly confide to me the particulars of your tale, I
perhaps may be of use in undeceiving them. I am blind, and
cannot judge of your countenance, but there is something in
your words which persuades me that you are sincere. I am poor,
and an exile; but it will afford me true pleasure to be in any
way serviceable to a human creature."

"`Excellent man! I thank you, and accept your generous offer.
You raise me from the dust by this kindness; and I trust that,
by your aid, I shall not be driven from the society and
sympathy of your fellow-creatures.'

"`Heaven forbid! even if you were really criminal; for that can
only drive you to desperation, and not instigate you to virtue.
I also am unfortunate; I and my family have been condemned,
although innocent: judge, therefore, if I do not feel for your
misfortunes.'

"`How can I thank you, my best and only benefactor? From your
lips first have I heard the voice of kindness directed towards
me; I shall be for ever grateful; and your present humanity
assures me of success with those friends whom I am on the point
of meeting.'

"`May I know the names and residence of those friends?'

"I paused. This, I thought, was the moment of decision,
which was to rob me of, or bestow happiness on me for ever.
I struggled vainly for firmness sufficient to answer him, but
the effort destroyed all my remaining strength; I sank on the
chair, and sobbed aloud. At that moment I heard the steps of
my younger protectors. I had not a moment to lose; but,
seizing the hand of the old man, I cried, `Now is the
time!--save and protect me! You and your family are the
friends whom I seek. Do not you desert me in the hour of trial!'

"Great God!' exclaimed the old man, `who are you?'

"At that instant the cottage door was opened, and Felix, Safie,
and Agatha entered. Who can describe their horror and
consternation on beholding me? Agatha fainted; and Safie,
unable to attend to her friend, rushed out of the cottage.
Felix darted forward, and with supernatural force tore me from
his father, to whose knees I clung: in a transport of fury, he
dashed me to the ground and struck me violently with a stick.
I could have torn him limb from limb, as the lion rends the
antelope. But my heart sunk within me as with bitter sickness,
and I refrained. I saw him on the point of repeating his blow,
when, overcome by pain and anguish, I quitted the cottage and
in the general tumult escaped unperceived to my hovel.

Chapter 16

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